In days of yore, when people had disputes they would knock on their neighbor's door and say, "Howdie ho neighbor, your Pussy ate my canary, or Tommy, that scamp, broke my car window with his baseball, or, your mother-in-law is so cute they way she wanders into my house, by the way she peed on my new Persian rug."  The neighbors would then share a laugh and quickly come to an amicable agreement to settle the matter.  Unfortunately, today's disputes are not so easily remedied.  Life has become more complicated than a stroll across the lawn.

The sluggish economy has produced a strain of litigants that haven't been seen since the first ambulance rolled off the assembly line.  Issues that were once overlooked or thought of as too much of a bother to pursue in court are not just pursued, but because unemployed litigants have a great deal of time on their hands, they are pursued vigorously.   No more looking the other way for the dog bite incurred medical bills or checks returned due to insufficient funds.

If you find you're at your wit's end, because your landlord refuses to remove carpet that smells like a petridish due to a constantly overflowing toilet, or you've exhausted yourself trying to get Mercury Insurance to pay up after their insured rear ended you, or you just feel gypped, swindled, defrauded, hustled, screwed or taken advantage of in any way, do what thousands of people in West Hollywood and Beverly Hills due yearly, take the lying, cheating scoundrel to court.





One look at the bored and impatient judges, rambling litigants, petulant court clerks, trigger happy sheriff deputies and the lurking sense that anyone of them can go postal at a moments notice, reveals just how uncivil the Beverly Hills civil court is. 

"Don't call me Ma'am," the aging female Juris snaps at a litigant for the umpteenth time that day.  Commissioner Carol Hallowitz, presides over Department 4, the small claims division.  She's short on patience and long on reprimands.  "I didn't ask you that!  Don't interrupt!  You knew you were coming to court today why didn't you bring the receipt?  Look we're only going to 4:30, don't waste my time."  One can almost excuse Commissioner Hallowitz for her lack of charm, after all, her life revolves around listening to and deciding the same disputes with little variation, day in and day out.  It's not Roe v. Wade or Brown v. Board of Education.  It's a dissatisfied botox customer v. a plastic surgery center or a rambling Russian or Spanish interpreter's broken English version of a car accident v. Transit. 

Commissioner Hallowitz is assisted by an all female tag team, Ines Ponce, her court clerk who exhibits various mood swings, and then there's Sheriff deputy Nora Patockova, who has only two moods, nasty and mean.  She stands astride, moving her eyes across the small court room like search lights, "Hey I said no talkin'.  Sit down, the clerk don't want to talk to you.  Hey you, hand me the documents down here not way up there.  Hey I'm not gonna tell you again." Eye roll after glaring eye roll, Deputy Ptockova stands before the court perfecting her gum chewing and eye squinting, all while looking like a body double for Mickey Rourke in, "The Wrestler." 

The first cases heard are always the unopposed litigants.  The ones where the defendants don't show up because they claim they weren't properly served or they're sick or out of town.  Anything to get out of being in court.  The judge explains she's almost obligated to grant a continuance and that's when the plaintiff loses it.  "But Ma'am, I've taken off work."  "Don't call me Ma'am. Look,  this is first his continuance so we'll set it for three weeks from today, how's that for you?."  After repeated protestations to no avail, the plaintiff releases a loud sigh, sucks his teeth,shakes his head and agrees to three weeks. 

Since Commissioner Hallowitz can't possibly hear all the cases on the docket in two hours, the clerk busily calls around trying to find another judge who can take on some of the small claims cases.  After sitting an hour, the anxious litigants are handed yellow post-its and are told, "You're going to Judge Cole in dept X," or "Judge Stone will hear your case in Dept 6, his case is just wrapping up.  Go to the second floor."  The herd like litigants make their way to the elevator and in a confused haze, look for their new venue.  They share a frustration that sits on their faces like a wilted party hat. 

"Can you believe this place?  Why do they say come at 1:30, if the judge doesn't show up until 2:30?"  "How about that sheriff, is she a dyke or what?"  "This is my third time; first they claim the guy wasn't served then they said he was sick now I bet he's going to try some other bullshit."  "I hope I'm heard today, this is getting expensive, and parking is not easy here."





The halls are littered with stories of frustration about how the justice is as slow as the elevator and how uncivil the defendants, judges, clerks and deputies are.  There's a lot of chatter but none center on a settlement among the principals.  The plaintiffs are determined to get what they feel they are entitled to and the defendants are not budging an inch.  Even when a case has been decided in the plaintiff's favor the case is not over.  The next step is collecting. 




Judgment debtor cases are swift and decisive in chief Judge Linda Hart Cole's courtroom.  Friends in High Places v. Rachel Pouri was decided in November 2008.  Plaintiff was awarded $5000.00 plus costs.  On February 11, 2009, Ms. Pouri appeared before Judge Cole, after a bench warrant for her arrest was posted. 
"Ms. Pouri where are your financial records, bank account numbers...?"
"I don't  have them with me." 
"How much do you have in your wallet?" 
"Three hundred dollars."
"Hand it over to the plaintiff." 
Ms. Pouri's attorney expressed her displeasure with the judge's order, "Your honor that's for my fee."
"I didn't ask about your money, I asked about hers.  Call the bailiff."
At that point, three bailiffs entered the court room and one of them was instructed to empty the defendant's wallet and count the bills, not the change.  The bailiff determined the defendant had $373 in her wallet. 
"Bailiff hand $300.00 to the plaintiff.  I will deduct that from what you owe and you will return on February 23 at 8:30 A.M with your financial statements.  Court is adjourned."

At 4:30 the court promptly shuts down and everyone is hustled out with unceremonious haste. 

The proceedings at the Beverly Hills court house can be quite entertaining and at times amusing.  If the hodgepodge of litigants and jurors' kooky outfits, and goofy cases about doggy hair cuts gone awry or botched lipo jobs mixed in with fender benders and mold issues fail to amuse, then add in the scary automaton like deputies and peevish judges.  Where else can you see Courtney Love being bawled out by Judge Stone or JLO sitting on a jury? 

Of course there are random acts of kindness by the judges and clerks, like when Judge Cole demonstrated genuine concern for a plaintiff who was "screwed over by a crooked doctor" and instructed the insurance agent for Mercury Insurance to, "see what you can do to make sure they are not being hounded by collections, since your client admitted liability, you should pay the medical." 

Or when Judge stone helps out an inexperienced lawyer on cross examination of a mendacious witness and even goes the extra mile and leaves the bench to visit an apartment to see for himself if the landlord is pursuing a unlawful detainer out of spite.

Then there's Commisioner Hallowitz who employs a great deal of patience when dealing with non-English speakers and also appears to have a great capacity to get to the heart of matters even when the litigants are obfuscating the facts and raising issues that have nothing to do with the case at hand.

There is one thing all the judges at the Beverly Hills court have in common, they know the law very well.  Of course you may get a pro-tem, who may be a bit clueless and befuddled, but he is not representative of the legal minds who preside at the Beverly Hills Court house.  Even with all their quirks, moods, impatience and exasperation, litigants who come before the Beverly Hills judges can rest assured that they are going to adjudicate fairly.  It may not turn out as some like but if litigants follow a few simple rules they will be able navigate the court system with little turbulence.  

If you find yourself in civil court, here are a few suggestions for prevailing:  First ask yourself objectively and without emotion, "Do I have a solid case or am I just angry and want to get back at the defendant?"  If you answered yes to having a solid case, then sue his/her moles off.

1.  If you can't afford the court cost apply for a fee waiver.
2.  Call 10 days before your trial date to make sure the defendant is served.
3.  Stay civil.  Keep your cool. 
4.  Be brief and to the point.  Write everything out in bullet points before speaking to judge.
5.  Be prepared.  Bring the documents/receipts you need to prove your case.  Make a copy for judge.
6.  Don't ramble.  Speak clearly and coherently. 
7.  Don't interrupt the other side.
8.  No lawyers in small claims.
9.  If you're facing eviction see a lawyer or Legal Aid for a referral
10. Leave emotion out of your presentation, stick to the facts.

Resources:
Beverly Hills Court 310-860-0070
Small Claims Court Advisors 213-974-9759
Legal Aid  213-640-3881
Los Angeles Bar Association Referrals  213-243-1525
Eviction Defense Network 213-385-8112
Coalition for Economic Survival 323-656-4410